EXCERPTS: The hovercraft soared over the hill into the back of a G-rex who farted in retaliation — or just good timing. Ray reversed the vehicle while the G-rex tried grabbing him with tiny arms. They ended up back in the water in time for the mosasaur to wrap her enormous jaw around their rear end. “Sodomy me!” Ray yelled. The weight of the mosasaur raised the front to stop the G-rex from biting Ray, who maxed power to vent exhaust on the beast behind them.
“You’re not scared of genocidal aliens, Ray?” The raptor struck a fearless pose. “I have a lot of fear and I’m not afraid to use it.”
He pointed to a tube in the hologram. “Wormholes are compatible with Einstein’s theories and solve the Ehrenfest paradox. Imagine traveling millions of light-years through non-space and suspended time to distant galaxies. It could open the entire universe to human colonization.”
Ray faced the Siberian tiger uneasily. The spike on his unicorn helmet didn’t protect his face as much as he’d like. Or need. He wrapped several layers of duct tape around his throat in case he forgot to duck. “The world’s ugliest man just got uglier,” the old man quipped happily. He belonged at the Coliseum throwing food at gladiators.
Ray looked at the blood squirting from his dinosaur pajamas as the assassin closed the door. “You’ll pay for that!” he said, gesturing to his favorite jammies.
Rod positioned the gun so the bullet would splatter his brain across his wife’s body. He’d never forget the look of horror on her face as he pulled the trigger, though that was nothing compared to her expression when dripping with bloody cerebellum. Dying anyways, she peeled the pistol from his cold, dead fingers and pulled a Romeo and Juliet.
Ray slapped his forehead. “My mind is so blown I may never de-blow it. Joe, the hell, dude? If I wanted to know how to bend space-time, I’d actually learn math.” Ray felt like shit, which explained his potty mouth.
Joe chirped until a baby pterosaur broke the shell and looked up. Ray handed Joe worms which he fed the hatchling. “No, Joe. You have to vomit them into the pterosaur’s mouth,” Ray said convincingly before laughing it off.
“There’s an immersive 3D Raptor Ray game where dinos eat him alive? I totally need to play that,” the killer told the hot secret Russian agent.
Ray roared a challenge and the G-rex answered. She had Lucy pinned under a giant foot, but charged Ray as if a light turned green. Ray jogged towards her before Chinito could climb the heloplane with his rocket-rifle. Hover-drones circled like a train wreck so Ray assumed he’d soon be famously dead.