Composting for Beginners: a Funny, Practical Guide to Turning Kitchen Scraps Into Garden Gold Without the Smell, Bugs, or Backyard Drama

Ever looked at a banana peel and thought, “You, my slimy friend, could be so much more”?Welcome to Composting for Beginners—the laugh-out-loud, no-BS guide to turning your kitchen trash into garden treasure without smelling like a landfill or sacrificing your Saturday mornings.If you’ve ever:Googled “why is my compost pile a crime scene”Thought composting was only for crunchy hippies and earthworm whisperersWanted to do something good for the planet but also… like, fastTried composting once, created a fruit fly utopia, and swore off rot forever…then this is your book.🥬 WHAT YOU’LL LEARN (WITHOUT BEING BORED TO TEARS)This isn’t some snoozy gardening manual written by a guy who hasn’t seen a banana since 1987. This is composting for real people. People with lives. People with trash. People who want to do the right thing but draw the line at handling raw chicken bones with their bare hands.In Composting for Beginners, you’ll learn:What actually goes in your pile (and what should go directly to hell)Spoiler alert: not all “green” things are green. And no, you still can’t compost your ex’s t-shirt.How to start composting today—in a backyard, apartment, or broom closetWhether you’ve got a quarter-acre lot or a questionable studio kitchen, there’s a system for you—and it doesn’t involve buying a $400 tumbler that looks like an evil robot.The Truth About Worms: Nature’s Slippery BillionairesWe’re talking about tiny, poop-producing legends that will eat your leftovers and turn them into black gold. They ask for nothing in return—except your eternal admiration.How to troubleshoot like a compost whispererIf your pile smells like death or your neighbors are sending passive-aggressive notes, we’ve got solutions. And no, it’s not “burn it all and move to a new town.”😂 WHY THIS BOOK IS DIFFERENTMost composting books assume you:Own a wheelbarrowHave a rustic backyard and a beard made of mossAlready know what the hell “lignin” isThis one assumes you:Are trying your bestLike to laugh while learningJust want to stop feeling guilty every time you throw out a strawberry that died a slow death in your fridgeThis book is written with equal parts science and sass, loaded with helpful diagrams (yes, even for you, diagram-haters), practical tools, and a voice that sounds more like your clever best friend than your high school biology teacher.With this book, you’ll:Cut down your garbage by 30% or moreMake your plants fall in love with youCreate a tiny ecosystem of rot that feels like actual magicAnd feel like a planet-saving sorcerer while doing itYou’ll also probably ruin yourself for normal dinner conversation. “Tell me more about your carbon-nitrogen ratio” is a phrase that will leave your mouth. You will become that person. And it will feel amazing.📚 WHO THIS BOOK IS FOR:Total beginners with no idea where to startRecovering composters who tried and failedApartment dwellers, homesteaders, and everyone in betweenAnyone who wants to laugh while learning the ancient art of rot🐛 BONUS: COME FOR THE JOKES, STAY FOR THE SCIENCEBehind the humor is legit, research-backed guidance on:Microbial ecology (yes, but funny)Aerobic vs. anaerobic decompositionThe power of thermophilic bacteria (like compost’s Avengers)Building the perfect compost recipe based on what’s actually in your kitchenAnd how to keep pests out, smells down, and your compost cooking🎉 IF YOU READ ONE BOOK ABOUT TRASH THIS YEAR…Make it this one.